Uzi threw her purple striped shirt and signature jacket to the ground and sighed. Her core and top half was exposed, getting ready to do what she did every night. She went over to her bed and bent down near the hiding space, looking for an item nobody knew she owned. She dug under her bed for a box and pulled it out. The box was filled with her random junk, but that was only to deceive someone if they ever got ahold of the box.
What she was really looking for was a knife. She dug around and eventually found it. It was stained with her oil and sharpened from the day before. She walked into her bathroom and looked in the mirror, eyes hollowed. She held the knife in her left hand and leaned on the sink with her right. She panted heavily, preparing for the action. But before she did anything, she checked to see if the door was locked. The door to her room was locked but the bathroom door was wide open. It’s not like anyone could open it, so she didn’t worry too much. She sighed, her breath shook as she examined her arms. She’d been doing this for a while now, so there were cut marks almost everywhere. Most of them didn’t even heal, or heal well. She took the knife up to her shoulder and cut it.
She winced as the oil trickled down her arm and onto the white sink. She pushed the knife in deeper, “f*ck.” She then growled at herself and looked at her reflection in the mirror. “Shut up and stop whining like a pill baby. You deserve this. I deserve this.”
Oil dripped to the floor as she painfully took the knife out. But she paused when she heard footsteps passing her door. She heard two drones, not one. Which was weird because she lived with her dad and her dad only. ‘N? V?’ She thought and rolled her eyes. She didn’t want anyone to know that she did this to herself.
“Uzi! One of your friends is here!” Her father said from outside. Khan walked away from the door and the door failed to open because it’s locked.
She panicked and looked at herself in the mirror. “Uzi?” Her eyes hollowed at the sound of the voice outside the door.
‘Lizzy.’
“Uzi, you okay?” She asked worriedly. The door rattled as Uzi dropped the knife in the sink, and with contact, it made a loud clatter.
“sh*t,” she whispered and tried to find her clothes. “Hold on!” She screamed loudly. She struggled to find her clothes, because she carelessly threw them to the side before she started. Oil leaked out of her wound and it trailed on the floor.
Suddenly, the door opened and Uzi froze in place. A wave of fear washed over her. She never wanted anyone to see her like this, especially not Lizzy. Her perfect, beautiful girlfriend.
Lizzy in the doorway, held a bobby pin, which helped her get in her room. Uzi stared at her and blushed, her chest plate was fully exposed to her girlfriend. But that was the least of her worries right now. Lizzy’s eyes hollowed. She looked over at the oil on the ground and she dropped her pin. She reached her hands up to her mouth as her jaw dropped. The look on Uzi’s face was a mix of pain, fear and shame, something that Lizzy never saw. It felt like time stood still, the seconds felt like hours and the minutes felt like days. Lizzy stared in shock at the fresh and old cuts on Uzi’s arm and neck.
“UZI!” She cried and closed the door and ran over to her. She took her hands and examined her. The purple haired drone looked down shamefully, refusing to make eye contact even though her girlfriend was worried out of her mind. “Uzi…” whispered and looked at her. Tears formed in both their eyes, Uzi’s being from shame, and Lizzy’s from panic.
“Uzi, look at me.” Lizzy said, her voice trembling and heart pounding.
Digital tears went down Uzi’s visor as she lifted her head and made eye contact with Lizzy. “I’m sorry…” she cried quietly.
“Shh- no, don’t say sorry, shh…” Lizzy said and hugged her gently, careful not to make the pain worse. Uzi wrapped her arms around Lizzy and cried uncontrollably. Lizzy didn’t care if her oil got on her clothes, she wasn’t the mean, popular girl that she used to be. She rubbed her back and kissed her repeatedly near the wound, trying to calm the pain. But being careful to not kiss it directly. “You’re safe with me Bat, don’t worry,” she reassured. Bat was the nickname she gave Uzi when she got her wings. It made her feel at least a bit better about them. Uzi hugged her tighter as she took a few deep breaths. She was never vulnerable with Lizzy, so sharing this moment felt so special. She accepted and loved her more than ever.
When Uzi was feeling better, Lizzy looked her in the eyes and smiled. “Okay, go sit down on the bed, I’ll clean and fix you up.” She booped Uzi on the nose and went to her bathroom. She grabbed a couple of towels, unfortunately they were all white, and ran them through some water. And while doing so, she looked painfully at the knife covered in Uzi’s oil. It made her freeze in horror, she didn’t know what Uzi was going though. Lizzy never knew she hurt herself, mostly because she always wore her jacket. It hurt her heart knowing that Uzi resorted to self harm instead of getting or asking for help. It made her feel like she wasn’t doing enough for her girlfriend. She didn’t know if it had to do with her, or what happened at camp a few weeks back, or was it school? She didn’t understand and just wanted to help.
Dim purple LED lights on her walls were all that lit up her room. It was quite calming at times, this was one of those times. Uzi, sat patiently on her bed, waiting for her girlfriend to come back and bandage her up. But in the meantime, she looked down at her forearms, where she cut herself most. She traced the scars, remembering each and every one. She regretted it but it was the only way to escape the pain of reality. She remembered the nights filled with silent tears and oil all over her room, when the pain inside had been too much to bear.
After a few minutes Lizzy came back into the room. “You don’t have any disinfectant kind of things…” She said and took her left hand. “Did you not disinfect the other wounds?” She asked worriedly. Uzi’s smile faded a bit as she shook her head. Lizzy pulled her gently up off the bed and locked her door and took her to the bathroom.
“I have an idea.” She locked that door too and looked her girlfriend in the eyes and kissed her. They both blushed, but Uzi was a bit confused.
“So what’s your id-?” She said but she quickly started to understand as her girlfriend took off the pink sweater she was wearing, along with her bra. More blush marks covered her face as Lizzy took off Uzi’s beanie and black shorts. As well as taking off her own light blue jeans. She dragged her into the bathtub and got the water running. Uzi sat down as the warm water filled the tub.
“Scooch forward.” She said and added some soap near the running water to create bubbles. Uzi scooted forward and Lizzy stepped in. She sat down behind Uzi, who was playing with the bubbles. The bubbles smelled wonderful, peach and vanilla. They let the water run for a bit longer to fill the tub up, before turning it off when it was just right. She wrapped her arms around Uzi’s stomach and kissed the back of her neck. Uzi sighed contently and put her hands on her girlfriend’s.
“I love you, you know that right?” Lizzy said, slowly rocking her from side to side. “And I’ll always be here for you, no matter what.” She purred as a single tear dropped from Uzi’s eye. Uzi nodded and gently caressed Lizzy's hand with her thumb. They sat in the warm water, cuddling and hugging for a while. Uzi sighed as she finally felt calm. All the voices in her head telling her she’s worthless and stupid, had stopped. She loved Lizzy so much, and hearing those words meant everything.
After a few minutes of sitting in silence, Lizzy sat up. “Okay, let’s clean you up.” She purred. She took a washcloth from the cabinet under the sink, leaving a small water trail from the sink to the tub. She soaked it in the water, before folding it in half and putting it on Uzi’s wound.
Uzi winced, “it hurts.” She paused as Lizzy kissed her on the cheek, trying to comfort her. “But I wouldn’t want anyone else to be doing it besides you,” she smiled as a tiny purple heart appeared on the corner of her visor.
Lizzy got some soap on the washcloth and dunked it in the water for a second time. She squeezed out the water onto the wound, hoping that it would clean it out.
Once again a small pained noise came from Uzi as the water got in her wound. But she put a thumbs up to signal she was doing okay.
After being in the tub for a while, the water slowly started getting colder, something Uzi didn’t like. They both got out and dried each other off, Lizzy being careful to avoid the fresh cuts on Uzi’s arms. They got clean clothes on and then she bandaged her up. After a stressful hour or two, they sat peacefully on Uzi’s bed.
“I love you,” Lizzy purred. “But you have to stop doing that to yourself, Bat.” She sternly said, but still not being too rude. “For me?”
Uzi curled up and buried her face in Lizzy’s chest. “I’ll do it for you.” She whispered. “I promise.”
